God’s will, His created expectation for everyone, is for each person to honor Him, others, and their self by being responsible in refraining from falsehearted selfish intimacy. When our naturally expressive sensuality is sensibly understood for what it means, it cannot be, and should not be, despised or covered. Infidelity is not in experiencing physical intimacy and personal shared moments of pleasure with one not our spouse, though involvement in those activities can cause far reaching conflicts, private and publicly scattered confusion, and intense rivalry.

   Infidelity, rather, is hidden dishonesty – a secret manipulative agenda of intrigue to deceive us into believing securities and trust are being honored. Cheating is giving attention to views and opinions opposed to faith in God through the shared decisive loyalties with one’s mate. Thieves, through deception, exercise unauthorized use of the blessings and joy of ownership God gives to His people and never can own what they have stolen.

   Outward displays of spite, taunting, mockery, and maligning other’s character are an attempt to shield and cover secret emotional confusion about priorities in misalignment with desire’s proper functions. Mankind’s society plays god, by displacing God’s overseeing wisdom, through working traditionally established standards in difference with progressively perpetuated objectionable standards. Interaction between social and personal activity; companionship, housing, transportation, clothing, food, entertainment, and behavior are caught in the attempted balances as a result of categorizing who anyone is or may be according to their accumulated mortal history.

   Consequently, the envelope of accepted and rejected contrived morality is ever pushed into more vigorous polarization as variety becomes more confusing to the individual and what he and/or she can expect to trust. Each act of self-serving indiscretion and hidden indecency is not an extension of a previous act of sinfulness. Emotional impulses to cover one’s sin use an analyzing reason-able logic to integrate an additional act of defiance, to please one’s self, into the memories associated with the previous act.

   Repetition causes the presumption that one sin strung to another is a continuation of a way of being where a person is being deceived by believing what they have done is who they are. But, each moment’s act of infidelity is a separate and distinct act of infidelity and cannot be considered as part of an overall single sin of infidelity. To overrun one’s conviction of heart, for having betrayed sensibilities and responsibilities, requires finding false validation for circumstances that may have led to falling to alternative attentions apart from a person’s rightful way.

   Product advertisements use the allure of the female (and also male) form to incite and interlace erotic/emotional incentives to obtain material possessions and services. So, men and women search for erotic engagement(s) to fulfill their psychologically trained audio/visual desires. The polarization of thought, emotions, and the subsequent outcome of activity has, in part, a subversive affect and effect drawn from the habits obtained through electric appliances and machines.

   Technological devices have an “on and off” response to our expectations that emotionally manifest our decisions to consume and discard as we imagine our wishes to be. When the concepts of ‘have or have not’ are steeped into the desires of security and well being, the concepts inadvertently, and disrespectfully, are applied to people who may or may not provide an answer to a chosen direction. Since objects are not people, the use or disuse of the objects is more manageable than the use or disuse of people.

   So, it is easier to identify with the control over objects than it is with the whims and varying will of people. One may turn a light switch on or off at will. Trust in the use of devices is more easily accepted than the use of people because people are not devices. Rather, people are intended to be trusted according to their familial position of bond. The confusion rests in the disassociated understanding of the meaning of love. The pains/pleasures of running from pain finds more pains in reinforcing the process through compulsive pleasurable incentives. “Worries on your mind, always try to find, happiness…”

   Underlying the commonly thought of instinctual sex drive drawn from amorous desire, is in fact drawn from fear of eternal death. Worldly wisdom steeped in emotional responses to gratification, interpreted as love, is an attempt to overcome ambiguous assertions about the unknown. Generally acknowledged fluctuating standards about ambitious determination for health and well being, and personal fulfillment, without constant recognition of Who God is through His plan(s) for each and all people, is why habitual self-serving manipulative use of one’s self and others becomes a hidden false right to feigned independence.

   Marriage, the foundation of any society (though there are distorted variations of exception) has sanction by the supernatural because of the propagation of life – the unknown extent of will beyond mortal understanding – and validation by government in protective agreement to respectfully honor the awareness of life as protections are approved or disallowed. In this, the traditional family (man married to woman and the children of the union – combined with the extended collective of like associations) is the actual church in its living expression and is the actual government in its living expression – the inseparable compliment of church and state.

   The separation of church and state, necessarily combined in the hearts and minds of the people, takes on a disoriented lifting up of government as a replacement for the church through the rule of law as a standard to offset the variances of thought and religious observance. Society, then, becomes the determiner of the values of marriage instead of marriage setting the standards for society. This role playing of government to establish a chaotic order of disorder through declaring church influence non-governmental creates an increasingly confused disruption of stability and peace throughout society.

   When a person is gratified by an experience that replaces a need for proper and responsible fulfillment, the person forgets the reason for the proper fulfillment through the free associative use of the alternatives. This ‘forgetfulness’ of sensibility, the compartmentalizing of divided roles of attention, looks to cause angry opposition in each category against the other to drive further compulsions to hide guilt and shame in mock remorse. This happens because the proper meanings and use of experiential sensations are inverted in ways where meaning is attempted to be extracted from involvement contained by those sensations.

   Ongoing honest forgiveness (not the false taking for granted an 'automatic forgiveness where nothing need be said'), when people respect each their own will to depend in their own promises combined with the promises of open honesty with a mate, as faith allows God’s strength of honesty to rule the heart; pardons mistakes and failures in associations and activities by together working through His ways of reconciliation:

Matthew 18:18-22 says, Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus said unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

   Diversions and covering for having left sensible responsibility brings attempts to justify, and therefore continue to justify, a wrong as if it is right. Inordinate associations in one area of misunderstanding create an attitude of evaluating experiences through distorted expectations. To alleviate the tensions of losing an integrated sense of depth and balance, separate approaches to varying circumstances and situations causes a dissociative compartmentalizing where motivations depend on momentary ethics. This presumes and assumes the right necessarily becomes wrong by the awkward establishment of a wrong as right via the appeal of variety.

   Eventually there comes an acceptance of the wrong as opposed to the right through persistence of habit, but the persistence of habit spirals into the load of shifting personal responsibilities onto others. While everyone is responsible for everyone else in some way or another, the perceived load of responsibility of projected blame or lack of effort is decidedly different from a natural shared endeavor. The individual affects the populace and the populace affects the individual.

   The institution of marriage loses its service to the people and becomes a cast aside mockery. The will of freedom to do as one improperly wishes in a community, eventually creates a "heart surfing" society that requires socialistic controls when God is deemed opposed, instead of complimentary, to living.

   When God does not have an accepted place of influence through the people over marriage and the family, corruption of financial responsibility automatically becomes the driving force that turns the integrity of capitalism’s function into subversive corruption. Anticipation to realize imaginative fantasy engages the vague mystique of ”perhaps“ and masquerades its active focus as the expectancy of hopeful faith in our expressed promises of the Word.

We can do it! I know we can!

   Women know that men are responsible for their security. They are frightened about their existence because they know they have a life that matters. Men take advantage of women because they are easier to conquer than their job or the crazy things happening around them in the world. Women identify with and carry both roles of wife and husband to take over the responsibility for their own security in hope to compensate for the men misjudging their role. This causes men to resent women in a way that reinforces the independence of the women.

Men and women like to use each other.

   Men know that women are responsible for their security. They are frightened about their existence because they know they have a life that matters. Women take advantage of men because they are easier to conquer than their job or the crazy things happening around them in the world. Men identify with and carry both roles of husband and wife to take over the responsibility for their own security to compensate for the women misjudging their role. This causes women to resent men in a way that reinforces the independence of the men.

Women and men like to hold each other responsible.

The differences can be thought of this way:

   A man exercises the 'defender' role for a woman. A woman exercises the 'keeper' role for a man. Together, defense and keeping is shared as the woman shares in her husband’s defense of their unity, while the man shares in his wife’s keeping of their unity, because they have a union. When unmarried couples, boyfriends and girlfriends, do not have a commitment and use the togetherness of a union without the commitment of marriage, there is a clash between the absolute permanence of a bond and the strained tension of no bond of meaningful permanence. The confusion of enjoyed fruits of permanent togetherness, without the committed promises intimate activity means, causes an underlying frustration, anger, resentment, and disappointment that looks for reasons to express the fears of giving one's all when it might mean nothing.

   This is backwards because the fears of the risks of losing choice (the seeming freedom of individuality and independence), through the turnstile of permanent decision, have already harmed the same respect and dignity of actions permanent decision represents by indulging in those actions.  Usually this loss is compensated for by turning to tangible items of sentimental possession (personal achievement - what one likes whether it is experience or things; music, dancing, eating, sleeping, working all are connected to money to buy a music player, clothes, jewelry, food, house, furniture...) to symbolize unseen indecisiveness.

   The value of a gift to another that appeals to what they like to expect is thought of as the expression of how much another cares because the respect and decency of the person has been lost to what anyone can or cannot do with what they have. When it is realized the focus on experiences and things as forms of identity does not address the underlying reality of a missing sense of worth, that the desire to have is overshadowing the desire to become one with another, the distance from an established peace of security is increased to where people believe their existence is validated by the world around them.

   It is a misconception that a man or woman matters as a person if they get what they want - the self deceptive ambush that turns proper yearning for fulfillment into a craving of greed is; a man or woman can be giving their wife or husband exactly what tells them they matter more than anything else only to find them furious with the gift because it does not reply to the emotionally material desire. The reason many people rather want to be validated by things is the conflict of selfishness over shared things. To depend on another person to care for them in a right way, without using them for their own personal props, is confusing because people tend to be takers instead of grateful givers.

   When a giver and a taker are together, a taker will always take and a giver will always give - to the end that there is nothing left to give to the taker. At the same time, the giver is a taker in a different way and the taker is a giver in a different way - so that also appears to come to ruin. That is because the understood purposes of togetherness for loving embrace are out of balance. Certainly, a single man and a single woman are not practiced and adept at the tasks of giving in the fullness of married harmony, even though the concept is partially understood.

   When there is a past pattern of intimate dating where the activities of marriage are engaged in without marriage, there is an almost irresistible impulse to regard a spouse as suspiciously under scrutiny. The emotionally damaged will feel like getting away as he or she has done before - because the noticing of error is a reminder of how they have ran to escape their own damaging mistakes. This is where imperfections are hidden from the other and motives become skewed.

   It is not that the two people just "don't get along" and need to find someone “new” to get along with, they already have each other. It is that they both care so very much about wanting the best that they beat each other up trying to figure out how to make it work. The problem is that trying to make it work is the problem. It is already working, but life, in its hardships and difficulties, is not easy. When people are disappointed they tell their partner about it, naturally – but in an indirect way that minimizes their own errors in order to find a sense of positive worthiness that reflects the goodness they believe their mate found attractive in them to begin with.

   Attempts to escape troubles this way causes a dishonest covering of the precise humble honesty of inadequacy reality holds for everyone. We are not perfect and the conflicts arise when our partner wishes they could make it better and misunderstands to think the sharing of grief over a situation is blaming us for being the problem. Then, as ideas about having made a mistake in judgment about the circumstances are transferred to ideas about the choice of spouse being the mistake, it is easy to consider that someone else may be easier to deal with.

   Of course, that is when the fight starts… contrary attitudes, oppositional views, and transferring the load of failure to our life partner causes a sense of elated false dignity. Chronic complaining in the guise of compassionate concern is a self-motivated cover of manipulation, role-playing legitimate indignation over evil difficulties, to get from others what God has already supplied – if He were to be obediently asked. Impressions of self defensive safeguards tear apart the actual protections Godly defenses against evil are created. God is not in the business of straining things until they break, and then calling the separation good. People do that.

   People hold other people responsible for their sinking troubles (categorized as “past mistakes”) by thinking a person, rather than sinister contrary inhuman entities, are knocking them into sand traps and trying to pull them under. Countless people intentionally, and repeatedly, jump back into the quicksand and yell out to be rescued again simply because they enjoy the experience – the personal attentions another rescuer perhaps will give.

   As a conquest loses its freshness of promise – because an ill conceived joining will always eventually uncover its deceptions - the lost glow of initial discovery combines with guilt to compel a person to reject the sinful union by rejecting the person of accomplice. However, the rejection is no rejection because the identity and nature of knowing the spirit and soul of the other remains. Then another person is found to take the place left open by the previous. The essence of influence of the subverted authority to wrongfully accept the interlacing of others with ones self becomes a compulsion to repeat the process.

   A person forgets who he or she is and becomes a role-playing manipulator of others to fulfill any whim and desire the idolatrous eyes can conjure. If these person’s marry, they are carrying their mixed identities into a defiling of the marriage bed. Comparisons in union are impossible to avoid and corrupt the celebration of oneness at the very point of integrity. Memories of others live on because the sin lives in the knowledge. The only way to remove the spiritual soul presence of the others, and it is very heart rending and difficult, is to fully confess the secret sins of fornication and adultery and to ask for forgiveness.

   There will be times when memories will spur an individual into fantasy. This is exactly when the matter should be honestly shared and purged from the marriage. The husband and wife must honor the name of the marriage, the family of the name, and the Wholeness of Christ through His resurrection if they are to find the authority of the truth of wholesome vitality in their marriage. Darkness, and its influence, shrink and dissolve away as the light of Truth, through repentance, shines forth.

   Fear of success is the same as the fear of failure because the fear that drives motivational pressures to succeed, attempt fruitlessly to counteract internal aggravations – simply because material ambition requires fear to function. However, positive motivation is not a fear driven compensation for insufficiency since it is based in faithful expectations in response to the sure promises of God – in answer to the promises we make to each other. So, 'what' we do is not where carelessness betrays expectations, the 'what' of matters is in judgmental barriers against open honesty, in all a man and woman are, when married. We can take care of what we know about and there is no sin in sneaking… provided there is no sneaking.

   A man grants his wife, through their vows of unconditional promise to each other and God: “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health”, in faith. Because all faith is drawn from Christ’s gift to us, as a measure of His faith on our behalf, He allows us ongoing decisions in following Him. Likewise, since a woman is unto a man as the church is unto Him, a man allows his wife her ongoing decisions in following him, with respect to the church unto faith in Christ, as a woman allows the same for her husband. A man cleaves to carrying his wife while his wife cleaves to being carried by her husband. The call of salvation that brings grace and mercy of redemption to our hearts, souls, minds, bodies, and spirits supplies the Good News of the Gospel in accepting everything in, of, and about our spouse; right, wrong, good, bad, and indifferent in reflection of God’s example to us.

   As the authority over a man’s body belongs to his wife, for God’s sake because He holds their permanent vows in tribute, and authority over a woman’s body belongs to her husband; the choosing of will each has facing the moments of a day is fully accepted by the other for the sake of commitment, personal caring, and free will to do as one wishes with respect to God’s plan by the call of redemption. Healthy companionship in the practicing process of allowing our spouse to openly want and do what they will is true relationship in communication because everything is in, of, and by faith in the Word of God. Trust in acceptance alleviates our fears of betrayal and works our patience in faith-action to see the course we have in pact with our loving and understanding Creator.

   The key is openness: As long as a man and a woman keep each other genuinely informed about their activities; who they married each other as, and to be (who they are at any given time), is fully honored through their vows – whether or not either agrees with or specifically approves particular activities.  Intercession is the core – each of the two is comprised of both and is able to intercede for the other. When there are difficulties we wish our spouse to avoid, instead of embrace, the load of responsibility carried by both naturally unto God, as He is recognized to honor our promises to each other, loses the condemnation of evil through the open honesty of sharing, and is nobody else’s business.

   Our behavioral quirks become an appreciated joy rather than a chaotic curse. Sin is a part of every day for everyone and cannot be avoided, Romans chapter 7; and any hidden matter is an attempt to hide sin and negates our mercy and grace for eternal life, James chapter 5. It is straight forward, simple, and no mystery or magically applied formula, but life is in the balance. God is not a God of concealing; God is a God of revealing and, according to Scripture, does not condemn us.

   Faith in the covering of sin is not an action to conceal acts of betrayal to vows – that would allow an unfaithful sense of false justified secrecy. Faith in action, accountably exercising tolerance in the face of transparent honesty, is the gift of love that continually provides salvation and healing. It cleanses away the fear of discovery as long as privacy protection is kept within the confidence of marriage. God is a God of acceptance through respect, grace, and understanding – when we are married, we openly recognize responsibility in dedicated faith, regarding everything about our mate because we are of each other.