Making A Marriage Proposal
~ Engagements from EmilyPost.com
10 Day Proposing Plan
ring and flowers to what to wear and how to ask, Peter gives men the advice they need to get through the big moment. Get Married
First adds suggestions that may be helpful to diminish some fears.
GMF - Always keep in mind a man should not feel he needs to buy his way into a woman’s heart. And, a woman
should not expect him to do so. If priorities of companionship have fallen to distortions of attraction based in “financial
stability”, reorientation of considerations about togetherness for the right reasons will give the senses of leadership
through faithful togetherness, no matter what, a woman is actually looking for in her yearning for security with a husband.
Day 10—Make a Plan
Decide on the who, what, when, where and why of how you will ask her to marry you. A public place or a private setting?
First thing in the morning or late at night? Think about what suits your personalities and relationship. Keep in mind, this
is a story she will be telling for the rest of her life and you want her to be proud to tell it. But at the same time, the
more complex a plan you concoct, the more difficult to pull off.
GMF - A simple, “Let’s get married.” is as much in the spirit of respectful honor as a convoluted
“secret surprise” scenario may be. There should be no emotional obligation to cater to ‘harlequin dreams’
in an attempt to elevate the significance of proposal by fantasy in asking to be permanently one with another.
Day 9—The Ring
You’ve got two options here: pick the ring you know she’ll love or go with something basic and let her
choose the setting and band once she’s said yes. If you go with the latter, remember that this is not an insult to your
jewelry selection capabilities. You want to make sure it’s the ring she wants.
GMF - The marriage does not rest in the ring. The ring rests in the marriage. A proposal ring need not be the ring
chosen for the wedding. Ideally, in marriage, there should at least be two sets of rings: One quality set for ‘show’
and formal ceremonial display and one durable set for utility and day to day living. Budget restraints considered, rings and
their style can be changed, updated, and altered as desire and ability allows throughout a marriage, without harm to the momentous
meaning of exchange of “The Rings” during the wedding ceremony.
Incidentally, in lost-times-past tradition, a woman not wearing a ring is unavailable for courting and not asking to
be married; a woman wearing a ring on her left-hand forefinger (or index finger) is displaying her desired availability for
courting and proposal; and a woman wearing a ring on the left-hand ‘ring finger’ traditionally recognized as the
finger that wears a wedding ring, is married.
While rings on the first and third fingers of the left hand have social significance concerning marriage and availability
to be married, a ring on the right-hand third finger signifies personal achievement. Except for particular meanings in certain
circles, any other rings on any of the other fingers are generally considered jewelry without implied social statements; whether
or not anyone is open to personal relationship.
Day 8—To Ask or Not to Ask: Permission from Her Dad
Individual circumstances determine whether you should ask permission from her father, either alone or with your intended,
or if you should simply announce your plans together. Be respectful of the culture and traditions of your future wife’s
family. This will help you decide the most appropriate course of action.
GMF - Permission from a father, if at all possible, should be asked with the mother present. Since the woman is
their child, to ask for permission to remove her from her parent’s responsibility must respect the position her parents
hold with regard to their daughter. But, the parents must realize their responsibilities stop, through their giving permission
and “giving her away” at the wedding, at the door of your new house (bond of togetherness under a name) with their
daughter as your wife.
There are, of course, times and circumstances where asking permission is not feasible or possible. These situations
must be taken to God in prayer, and left with Him to defend us, as we defend our vows to a mate against unfavorable distraction(s).
Day 7—Schedule Her In
Don’t forget to make plans with her for the big day. It would be pretty embarrassing to go through all this effort
and then have her tell you “I’m not available that night, I have yoga class till 8:30 p.m.”
GMF - Since marriage starts, is founded in, and continues through transparent honesty about personal care and concerns,
it is essential for a man and woman to openly share their planning to be married. After discussion, it may be decided to immediately
go before a Justice of the Peace or to a “wedding-on-the-spot” chapel found in some states. The primary decision
making determination marriage represents gives the luxury to either respect the desires of relatives, friends and acquaintances,
or to respect not respecting their wishes.
Figure out what you’re going to wear. Make sure it’s clean and pressed. Shoes polished. Hole-free socks.
Get a haircut. Shave. You want to look and feel your best.
Day 5— Flowers
There’s only one choice: red roses. Lots and lots of red roses.
And remember, even if you think flowers don’t matter, they do.
To cook or go out? Don’t cook. Think about it. You want to focus
on her, not on cooking. Make a reservation at the nicest restaurant you can afford. Try not to be a nervous wreck, hopefully
you’ll enjoy the meal. If you’re planning to pop the question there, ask the maitre d' for a quiet table.
GMF - Though much can be said for well-thought-out sophisticated presentation, who a man is to a woman and she
is to him has considerable bearing over environmental and social surroundings. Because day to day living presents its own
understandings about available conditions and interests, a couple is always above any traditionally accepted props. Fast food
proposal… or in a city park? - or in a vehicle on the way to a movie… are
not out of the question when sharing one’s intentions to be one with another in marriage prevails.
This is clearly a champagne occasion. Pop the question early and then order a bottle to celebrate. You can even call
ahead and arrange to have the sommelier bring the champagne out once you’ve proposed.
GMF - Or not. In any case, a heartfelt prayer of gratitude to our Lord Above is appropriate.
Think about what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. Decide if you’re a down-on-one-knee kind
of guy. Visualize what’s going to happen. You’ve established a plan for the dinner, now think about how you’re
going to actually pull this off. Make sure you know how to get to where you are going. Remember these could be some of the
most important words she hears from you, so make them memorable.
Day 1—Just Do It!
yourself time to get ready. Don’t forget the ring. Do plan on having a night the two of you will always remember. Look
her in the eye and speak from the heart. Enjoy the moment!
Inexcusable Clumsiness ~ Barry Farber - from: ‘How To Not Make The Same Mistake
Clumsiness comes in many varieties. The only dangerous kind is
If I’m an American in Paris dealing with flight departures
over the phone in clumsy but understandable French, that brand of clumsiness is thoroughly excusable. (Well, maybe not to
If, however, I’m calling an attractive woman I met at a wedding
in hopes of arranging a dinner date, and fail to produce a combustibly effective opening line, that is inexcusable clumsiness.
We’ll never know how many relationships never got going because
when the guy dialed the prospective date’s number all he had to lead with was either a pro-forma, “Uh, this is
Harold. We met at the wedding last Sunday. How are you?” or worse, a hem-haw-who-huh approach that made him sound as
if he were limp with terror. (Isn’t it interesting that, decades after the official launch of feminism, it’s still
most often the male who asks for the number or tracks it down?)
But it works the other way as well. Females are allowed to give
that opening call every bit as much attention as a pilot gives to takeoff. You’re even allowed to rehearse in front
of a mirror.
The opening line should accomplish a long agenda in one breath.
Let him know that you find him special – somewhat obvious
from the call itself but it could stand highlighting.
Exude confidence in your ability to interest the opposite sex in
general, but by no means demonstrate arrogance enough to suppose that he is one of those men guaranteed to quake with excitement
at the fact that you’re calling.
• Reassure him you’re aware he’s much too
attractive to be dependent
upon your call for female companionship.
• Make clear your desire to make a specific date with
• Offer him an easy out if he’s not interested.
• Provide for a mutual laugh and a good both-ways feeling
regardless of the outcome.
• Do all of the above in as few words as possible.
How’s this? (after the obligatory pleasantries about how
nice it was meeting him at the wedding last Sunday.):
“I don’t know what your life is like, so this may be
a ridiculous notion, but if you’re allowed to have dinner with strange women, I’d really like to invite you to
join me this Saturday night.”
moral: “Be prepared” is much too precious a motto to leave to the Boy Scouts.
Generally accepted meanings
Rose: A single rose of any color in full bloom means "I love you." Two roses put together
to form a single stem means an engagement. Stem leaves are a symbol of hope; Bridal
- happy love; Red - love, true love, passion, desire; White - purity, innocence, humility, secrecy, reverence, I am worthy of you; Red & White – unity; White, dried -
death is preferable to loss of virtue; Pink - grace, gentility, perfect
happiness; Dark pink – gratitude; Light pink - desire, passion, joy,
youth, energy; Yellow - joy, gladness, friendship, platonic love; Orange or coral – desire; Burgundy – unconscious beauty;
Lavender - love at first sight; Blue - mystery or attaining the
impossible; Red/yellow - happiness, excitement; Red/white – unity; Multi-flora – grace; Black - death, hatred, farewell, death of old habits, rebirth; Rosebuds: Red – pure and lovely, beauty of love and friendship, youth, and hope; White – girlhood, the heart that knows no love.
Possible meanings of flowers in a bouquet
– friendship; Acacia, yellow - concealed love, chaste love; Agrimonies
– thankfulness; Almond (flowering) - hope, watchfulness, and
promise; Aloe – grief;
Alyssum (sweet) – beauty; Amaranth (globe) - unfading love; Amaryllis – pride, beauty;
Anemone – forsaken; Apple blossom - hope, good fortune, preference; Asparagus fern – fascination;
Arbor vitae - unchanging friendship; Aster - patience, talisman
of love, afterthought; Azalea - take care of yourself; Baby's breath - pure heart, constancy; Bachelor's
button - hope and devotion, celibacy; Balm - social intercourse or sympathy; Balsa mine – impatience; Bay
wreath – glory; Beech – prosperity; Bee orchid – industry; Begonia - fanciful
nature, beware; Bellflower, white – gratitude; Birch – meekness; Birds foot t/trefoil –
revenge; Birds of Paradise – joyfulness; Bittersweet – truth; Black locust - platonic
love; Bluebell – gratitude;
Blue periwinkle – friendship; Blue violet - modesty, faithfulness; Box – constancy; Broom
– humility; Bulrush – docility;
Buttercup – riches; Cactus – warmth; Calla Lily - magnificent beauty; Camellia - loveliness,
excellence, my destiny is in your hands; Camellia, white - you're adorable,
loveliness; Camellia, pink - longing for you; Camellia, Red – excellence; Campanula –
gratitude; Canterbury bells – gratitude; Carnation - pride, beauty, deep love; Carnation,
white - pure and ardent love, disdain; Carnation, pink - emblem of mother's
day, I'll never forget you, mother’s love; Carnation, red –
admiration; Carnation, striped – refusal, I can't be with you l; Cedar – strength; Cherry
blossom - education, feminine beauty, sexuality, principle & love; Chestnut
- do me justice; China Aster - love of variety; China Pink - my heart aches; Chrysanthemum, red
- fidelity, I love you; Chrysanthemum, white – truth; Chrysanthemum, yellow - slighted love; Clover,
red – industry; Clover, white - I promise, be mine; Cockscomb – affection; Columbine, red -
anxious, trembling; Coreopsis - always cheerful; Corn – richness; Cowslip - winning grace; Crocus - youthful gladness; Daffodil
- chivalry, regard, devotion, unrequited love; Dahlia - elegance &
dignity, instability; Daisy - innocence, youth, gentleness; Dandelion – coquetry; Eglantine Rose - I
wound to heal; Elderflower – compassion; Euphorbia – persistence; Fennel –
strength, worthy of praise; Fern – fascination; Flax - I feel your kindness; Forget-me-not - remembrance, true love; Freesia –
innocence; French Honeysuckle - rustic beauty; French Marigold – jealousy; French Willow
- bravery; Geranium – gentility, naive, melancholy; Geranium, Ivy - bridal favor; Gerbera Daisy - beauty, thoughts of absent friends; Gladiolus
- strength of character; Globe Amaranth - unchangeable, unfading love; Gloxinia - love at first sight;
Golden Rod – precaution; Gorse - love in all seasons; Grapes – abundance; Grass
– submission; Hawthorn – hope;
Heliotrope – devotion, faithfulness; Hibiscus - delicate beauty; Holly - foresight, good wishes; Hollyhock
– ambition, fruitfulness; Honesty – honesty; Honeysuckle - devoted affection, bonds of love, fraternal affection;
Houseleek - domestic economy; Hyacinth, white – loveliness; Hyacinth, yellow – jealousy;
Hyacinth, purple - I am sorry; Hydrangea – frigidity; Hyssop – cleanliness; Iris
- my compliments, message; Iris, white – purity; Ivy - friendship, dependence, eternal fidelity, and matrimony, conjugal affection; Jasmine - grace, elegance; Jasmine, white –
amiability; Jasmine, yellow – modesty, grace and elegance; Johnny-Jump-Ups - you occupy my thoughts; Jonquil
- affection returned; Lantana - rigor;
Larkspur – lightness, laughter, ardent attachment, an open heart, fickleness;
Laure tine - a token; Juniper
- protection; Laurel -
glory; Lavender - purity, silence, luck, mistrust; Lemon blossom – fidelity, discretion; Lettuce
- cold-hearted; Lichen – solitude;
Lilac, purple - first emotions of love, fastidious; Lilac, White
- youthful, innocence; Lily, scarlet - high-souled aspirations; Lily, white
- purity, majesty, wealth; Lily, yellow - I'm walking on air, false; Lily of the valley - return of happiness, purity and humility; Lime blossom - conjugal love; Lisianthus - thoughts,
outgoing; Lobelia – malevolence;
Lotus – eloquence; Lotus Flower - estranged love; Love in Mist - perplexity; Love lies bleeding – hopelessness; Lupine
– imagination; Magnolia - love of nature; Marigold - affection, pain and grief, despair; Maple
– reserve; Marjoram -
blushes; Mayflower – welcome;
Mignonette – worth; Mimosa - secret love, sensibility; Mint – virtue, suspicion;
Monkshood - beware, a deadly foe is near, danger; Morning Glory - affectation; Moss (Rose) - confession
of love, maternal love, charity; Mullein - good nature; Mums, rose or red - I love; Myrtle - love and
remembrance, love positive; Narcissus; egotism, conceit, self love, self
admiration; Nasturtium – patriotism;
Oak leaves – bravery, strength; Oats – music; Oleander – caution, beware; Olive –
peace; Opium Poppy, white - my bane, my antidote; Orange blossom - fidelity, fertility; Orange,
mock – deceit; Orchid - rare beauty; Oxeye Daisy – patience; Palm – victory; Pansy - thinking of you, thoughtful recollection; Peach blossom - love's captive; Pear Tree - comfort; Pear blossom - lasting
friendship; Peony - bashfulness, healing;
Periwinkle, white - pleasing remembrances; Periwinkle, blue - early
friendship; Phlox – unanimity, sweet dreams; Pimpernel - life change; Poppy, red – consolation,
pleasure; Poppy, white – dreams;
Poppy, yellow – wealth, success; Primrose – youth, young
love, I can't live without you; Queen Anne's lace - magic, trust, and healing,
steadfast love; Ranunculus - I am dazzled by your radiant charm; Rhododendron - danger, caution; Rosemary –
remembrance; Rue – regret;
Sage or Salvia – esteem, domestic virtue; Sensitive Plant
– sensitivity; Snapdragon – presumption, deception; Snowdrop - consolation of hope; Sorrel –
affection; Star of Bethlehem – reconciliation, purity; Stat ice – sympathy; Straw – united; Stephanotis - good-luck, happiness
in marriage; Sunflower - adoration, pure thoughts; Sweet Alyssum - worth beyond beauty; Sweet Basil - good wishes; Sweetbrier –
simplicity; Sweet Pea - delicate, blissful pleasure; Sycamore – curiosity; Thistle - independence,
nobility; Thorn-apple – disguise;
Thyme – thriftiness, activity; Trumpet Flower – fame; Tuberose - dangerous pleasures;
Tulip - declaration of love, passion; Tulip, red - undying declaration
of love; Tulip, variegated - beautiful eyes; Tulip, yellow - hopeless love; Tulip-tree –
fame; Turnip - charity; Verbena - enchantment, may you get your wish;
Veronica - fidelity; Vine
– intoxication; Violet, blue – faithfulness; Violet, white - modesty and simplicity; Violet,
Yellow - happiness; Wallflower
- fidelity in adversity; Walnut -
intellect; Water Lily - purity of heart;
Winged Seeds;- messengers; Witch-hazel - a spell; Wheat - wealth and prosperity; Zinnia - thoughts
of absent friend.
Provided by respectful proxy with appreciation to Emily Post